Five years ago tonight, I was in the throws of labor with my first born child, my handsome, inquisitive, wonderful son Quinn. He was initially due on January 1st 2008, supposed to be a New Years Baby, but there we were, a week later before he was finally coming full steam ahead. My pregnancy had been amazing - I did prenatal yoga, ate what I was supposed to (well, baby wanted cupcakes, and baby always gets what he wants!), took walks 5 days a week, tried to reduce stress at work, dreamed about names and nurseries and all the things that go along with planning for a baby. Other than some heartburn in the last two months, I didn't have any issues or complications. I was one of those annoying woman who loved being pregnant and literally just glowed!
I was finally admitted to the hospital on Tuesday afternoon, the 8th of January, after three days of Braxton-Hicks contractions, two days of seemingly real contractions, and then having a non-stress test and biophysical profile at the hospital - I went to my doctor's office Tuesday at lunchtime to talk about an induction since the baby was over a week late, and she found that I was 5 cm dilated and ready to go to the hospital to have this baby. After 26 hours of labor (despite having wanted a natural birth, I caved and took an epidural halfway through), 4 hours of pushing, and an emergency c-section, Quinn was finally born into our lives.
I have such vivid memories of that remarkable day - I will never forget the thoughts and emotions (fear of change and of pain, feeling overwhelmed, sheer joy, the impatience of just wanted to hold him) I had on the insane 12 minute drive from our condo to the hospital; hearing the static electricity in the air in the hallway while walking the halls, getting ice chips and popsicles, and leaning on the wall during contractions; how warm and soft the blanket on the bed felt on the cold skin of my legs felt when I had to lay down to be monitored; kneeling on the bed over the headboard and seeing the TV's reflection in the glass of a picture on the wall, hearing my Mom and husband laugh about the episode of Family Guy that was on; the feeling of neverending pushing, feeling so exposed and desperate for him to be born already, and then the feeling of being rushed to the operating room. Not long after that feeling, I had the most important moment of my life - seeing my baby boy for the first time. He didn't cry at first, just looked around with those big inquisitive eyes; I swear he gave me a look immediately, like he knew me already. I can honestly say that the past five years with him, getting to know him, teaching him and learning from him, have been the happiest of my life.
It has been an amazing journey that we've had together, from learning all the things that go along with infancy and toddlerhood, and now as we're looking ahead to kindergarten next year. It was "Me and Quinn against the world" for awhile there, and I treasure those memories. He has taught me how to be a mother, and he is in my thoughts every minute of the day. I dream of him at night, and love waking up to him crawling up our bed in the morning. He is such an amazingly smart and caring boy, so skilled and strong at so many things, and he is learning in leaps and bounds on a daily basis. I'm completely in awe of him!
He has truly taught me the meaning of life and love. For him, I have had to think about things in the immediate and things 18 years into the future. For him, I have given up many things of myself, but have not regretted it for one minute. I will always try to protect him from hurt and the bad things of the world. I will always try to help him process his feelings and to be sensitive to the feelings of others. I want him to know that he can do anything he sets his mind to, and there are no limits to how far he can go. And I want him to know just how much I truly love him, to the very depths of my heart and soul, and I am immensely proud of him and thankful to be his Mommy. He will always be my first little love, and I look forward to so many more birthdays to celebrate together. Happy 5th birthday, my sweet little boy, Quinn!
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