So it seems that I am horrible at keeping in touch with people - case in point, I haven't even updated my blog in almost a week; though in my defense, we've been in Vermont since Thursday, and packing food, toys, clothes, etc for three children took a few days to accomplish before even leaving on the trip!
At any rate, I wish it wasn't this way; I wish I spoke with my siblings more often, had kept in touch with friends throughout the past years, even though we'd all gone our separate ways after high school, college, or upon leaving past jobs. I used to love having so many friends around me; I really valued knowing a broad spectrum of people, enjoying everyone's company and just having fun in activity or simple conversation. But somewhere along the line, I lost track of people, lost touch with friends, and even contact with extended family declined.
Back before email was rampant, and long before social networks like Facebook and Twitter existed, I was really good about writing letters, sending cards to just say "Hello" or for birthdays, and picking up the phone to call and talk to someone. I thrived on relationships with friends and family, and really made an effort to continue them. But what changed to make the effort less of a priority? I think in some cases, some friendships became one-sided, so there wasn't any contact unless I made the call, or if I failed to return a message because I was busy with work, life, and eventually babies. Having moved so many times growing up, I was lucky enough to have formed so many great friendships. After moving each time, I kept in touch with old friends for a little while, but eventually, the letters were less frequent on both sides, as I made new friends in my new hometown, and as those old friends made new friends, too; we all moved on. I know people just naturally drift apart sometimes, especially when there are so many miles between them, and that's fine, though it is still sad that the friendship didn't last.
There are two lost friendships that I miss the most - both were my best friends from my high school outside Pittsburgh. The first was a wonderful friend that I had so much in common with, so many great memories and milestones we shared, so much fun, who I loved like a sister. She was in my wedding, and we were in touch in the summer following the wedding, before I moved up to Massachusetts. After I moved, I wrote her emails, sent letters, cards, left a few messages on her parents answering machine, because I knew that she could possibly have moved, too, but I had no contact back from her for a number of years. About 4 years after our last contact, I received a wedding invitation from her, which had been forwarded from my previous address in Massachusetts. I was so hurt that she hadn't bothered to contact me over those years, when she clearly had my address. We had always talked about being in each others weddings, having babies at the same time, being friends forever; here she was getting married, a huge milestone in life, and I couldn't share it with her. I still don't understand why she never returned my letters or calls, and it pains me not knowing what happened for such a true friendship to die without explanation. Did I do something to hurt her feelings, did something happen that I'm not aware of? If only I could know what happened, maybe it would help me to not make the same mistake again, to save a current or future friendship.
The second lost friendship that I miss was with another girl from high school, who was so much fun to be around, such a lover of life, a contagious laugh (and a snort sometimes, too). She traveled to Boston to visit me a number of times (I only went to Pittsburgh once to see her, but she said she loved doing the traveling), and we had so many great times together, making trips to other states when she came, hiking, drinking, talking as if we still saw each other everyday. Her last trip to Boston was with a new beau and a new religion. I had really hoped and truly thought that just because she had religious views different than mine, we could still be friends. We talked about her new beliefs, and I wholeheartedly accepted that that was who she was now; even though I didn't plan to convert, I didn't think it would get in the way of a 12 year friendship. But on the last day of their visit, her beau started digging in on my husband's religious beliefs, even though the topic was unspokenly off the table during their visit, and not that it came to blows by any means, but I think there was some definite discomfort, and after that, our calls and emails were less frequent, and eventually ceased, other than the occasional 'like' or 'comment' on one another's Facebook posts. It saddens me that that friendship was lost, too, whether it was for the difference in religious beliefs or something else entirely. I guess I'll never know.
I wish I could know exactly why those two friendships were lost, but I guess what I need to do is learn from them and value the friendships I do have, and make more of an effort to maintain them. Facebook and email definitely make it easier to keep in touch, but I think I need to do so more regularly, so there isn't more time in between messages or calls. And I definitely need to make phone calls more, though the excuse of "When?" already comes to mind. Finding time for phone calls, in addition to having three young children, is not easy (let alone finding time to shower, eat, regular things...).
My New Years resolution was to put myself out there and make new friends for me, and to show my children how great friendship can feel. I think I need to add to that and work harder at reaching out to family and friends that I don't see as often, and strengthening those friendships, too. There's a song I remember from my childhood that says "Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other's gold". I have to try to make that my mantra!
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