Winning IS everything

     "Winning IS everything, Mommy!!", my 4-year old son growled at me tonight in a demonic voice before bursting into tears; he'd just lost a round of Curious George Memory game, and I tried to tell him something to the contrary. 

      We play games together everyday, when the babies are napping and again before his own bedtime - Snack Attack, Go Fish, Memory, Candy Land - sometimes more than 20 rounds of the same game in a row (I'm not even exaggerating).  Sometimes he even plays these games by himself, making up new rules, seeing how the game plays out each time.  He just loves to find out all the options of a game, see how many different directions it can go, how it is never ever the same, how every round presents new obstacles and opportunities.  Much like the world around him, but at least in these games, he can manipulate them to come out the way he wants them to.  Learning strategy is an important part of these games, and in the games that life throws at him, and I can see him making this connection everyday. 

       Whenever he's lost a round and has gotten upset I always tell him that doing something together is the most important part, that it's just nice to play the game together and have a good time, that winning is nice, but that it's not everything...  Lately, he's had enough of that song and dance, and gets vividly upset when I win.

        The other day, he lost a round of Go Fish, and proceeded to throw the cards at me because he was so angry.  Then, on the next round, I asked for the Sand Shark to match the one in my hand, he hesitated and wouldn't make eye contact, and answered "Nope, Go Fish".  I selected a new card, and on his next turn, he said "Do you have the Sand Shark?".  I explained that I knew he had it when I asked, which makes that cheating, which is not nice, and that I won't play anymore if he doesn't play fair.  Of course, I had to work hard at keeping a straight face, because this was clearly his first time cheating, but he wasn't smart enough yet to know how to not get caught.  It was a milestone, even if it wasn't one to be boasting about.

      Should I let him win so he doesn't get so upset?  Should I let him win so that he is happy and feels good about himself?  Or, should I let the game play out so we can learn how to handle those emotions, and feel even more genuinely good about a true win?  To me, winning is not everything.  To me, just being with him, spending time with him, watching him figure out how to strategize, seeing the wheels turning; these are the reasons I play.  And more importantly, just seeing him smile is what makes me feel like I've won.  That smile, that sweet little face....  I think I've answered my own question.